laughter

I know I complain a lot in my posts about bratty kids and the woes of being a junior high teacher. But truly, I am blessed. Blessed to have this job, blessed to have a place to live, clothes to wear, money to spend on things like random pedicures, movie rentals, and cheap pizza. God has placed me here for a reason, though I can't see it because I am a tiny ant in this universe. Some days it's hard for me to not to question why I am here in X, Texas, teaching this exact group of kids, this exact year. I dunno. I probably won't ever.

But I do know that sometimes God lights up my day when he let's laughter into my classroom. Usually in the form of me laughing at my kids, not with them. I crack myself up a lot. It's nice having that ability when you are the only adult you see for the majority of the day.

Like for instance, 7:50am. Standing in the hall greeting my babies as they walk through the door while simultaneously yelling at kids to take their hats off, get out of the bathroom, and pull their pants up, I look across the hall into Mrs. T's room and see two of my girls practicing their dance routine. One of their friends (a complete sweetheart who greets me every morning with a "How you doin Ms. Angry Teacher having a nice day?" all in one breath with this crazy accent) is dancing with them but obviously not in the routine with them. She is waving her arms and gyrating while the other two girls are badly dancing next to her, swaying their hips and rotating in a circle. They look absolutely ridiculous but don't know it. They think they are awesome...remember this is not even 8 in the morning. I started laughing and they saw me, I hope their feelings weren't hurt, but wow, it was definitely a sight to see.

Or my Trouble Maker # 2 acting like an old man. I am so thankful that a coworker pointed this out to me or I probably wouldn't be able to deal with the little turd. The kid sleeps in class, can't wake up, is always complaining about something, is super gripey,  and always has to pee. Just like my grandpa. Ha.

In our tutorial period, one of my kids who refuses to read his book or do homework is usually a pain in the ass, but last week he saw a spray bottle full of cleaner and paper towels at the front of the room. For some reason he started cleaning ALL the desks and chairs, the board, the cabinets, and the windows. He is this tiny little boy and he enlisted the help of the tallest, most mature boy in the classroom to help him. They were racing around the room spraying cleaner on other students' desks (while they were still seated in them) and just being plain silly. I don't know why it made me laugh so much, but I couldn't keep a huge grin off my face. Then the little cleaner asked for a tip so I gave him a penny. ha. cheap labor. mwhahaha

I know I know, these aren't that funny to you dear reader, but I work with what I got, and my students are all I have during the work week. But then, I also find the podcasts Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and CarTalk absolutely hilarious. 

There are jokers in almost all my classes, so I am usually entertained throughout the day when I'm not busy chastising them about homework or being tardy or trying to yell over the din of 20 fourteen year olds.

besides, I have only 32.5 days till this year is over and I plan to at least enjoy most of it. Why spend my work week waiting till the weekend to have fun when I could just decide to be happy and joyful at every moment?

-tha angry teacher

Never Have I Ever: 8th Grade Edition

This week, after tedious state testing (THANKS IGNORANT POLICY MAKERS) my group of testing kids had to spend the rest of the day with me on Tuesday and Wednesday. After cards, Scrabble (surprisingly popular among 14 year old ESL boys), and facing the next two hours cell phone and mp3 playerless, a group of the kids decided to play Never Have I Ever.

For all you oldies out there, Never Have I Ever is actually a drinking game in which you hold up five fingers and the group goes around the [beer soaked]table starting sentences off with "Never have I ever..." The point is to find out as much embarrassing stuff about your friends as possible.  If you have done that thing, then you put down one of your fingers and take a chug. The first person with all five fingers down, meaning that they have done at least 5 of the activities the other people have said that they have never participated in, has to chug an entire drink.

Of course my students wanted to play so that they looked the most bad ass and whoever wins was the first person with all 10 fingers down (they used both hands the lil daredevils)

It was highly amusing at first because the "cool" kids kicked out the "goody-goody" kids into their own circle. Then the whispering began. I pretended to read The Knife of Never Letting Go by Ness but kept my ears trained in the two circles' direction.

Started off innocently enough

"Never have I ever been out of Texas."

"Never have I ever cheated on a test."

"Never have I ever drank a sip of alcohol."

woah, wait, things are getting progressively raunchier

"Never have I ever been drunk."

"Never have I ever smoked [pot]."

"Never have I ever had a fantasy about Jessi."

ooo, yuck vomit gag

I never want to imagine one of my students jacking off. Please stab my eyes out.


 Only FORTY more school days!


have a peaceful weekend,
-thaangryteacher

Guide to Teenage Slang

Guide to Teenage Slang:

Cool is out. Clean is in.

Except you pronounce it [CLANG] not [CLEAN].

Example: Dude your “Sexy and I know It” shirt is clean[CLANG].

That bacon maple doughnut is clean[CLANG]!

Beast.

Same use as “Clean”. An adjective that describes something or someone who is awesome.

Example: I’m a beast!

Last night we watched Paranormal Activity and it was beast yo!

Wey.

This is Spanish for dude, man, brother.

Often used in conjunction with a cuss word.

Example: Pinch* wey! Get outta my way!

Nasty.

An adjective to describe something completely utterly disgusting. Also references sex.

Example: This homework is nasty!

They did the nasty last night!

Friday!!!

For some reason, this week has been really short feeling and flew by. Even though I've been sick with a cold/flu that morphed into the beginnings of bronchitis, this week hasn't been terrible. But maybe it's because of the drama of last week with the kids-I'll explain in a minute-and run down with this sickness, I am SO happy today is Friday. I can't even imagine having to come to work one more day this week.

About the sexual harrassment last week. 13 year old boys were whistling at me when I walked down the hall. It wasn't the first time, it happened twice before.
If you are a woman who's been whistled at on the street or in the mall or Wal-Mart, you know the feeling of shame and disgust that accompanies the catcall. There's absolutely no compliment in catcalling or whistling at a strange woman. OK if you are in a relationship with her and it is between the two of you-like she is ready for a date with you and she looks amazing, whatever, you can whistle at her. But NOT a stranger walking by.

Therefore, being whistled at by pubescent boys while at work while I'm wearing dumpy clothing was too much. I haven't been that angry in awhile, so that's why I cried. I cry when I'm pissed, usually not when I'm sad. In addition to being pissed, I was also upset because I know that I can't control what the boys do. I can send them to ISS or even suspend them for harrassment, but it doesn't change their behaviors.

I stopped wearing makeup for the week because I'm suddenly hyper-aware of my appearence and I'm afraid that I'm the one who is at fault for looking too cute while at school.

I now cannot walk into the ISS room for fear that comments will be made by the boys in there.

I now peak around the corner of the hallway to make sure there are no boys at the end of the hall waiting to get themselves in trouble.

It pisses me off that their actions have affected me so much and that I have to watch my back constantly.

So yep, I am absolutely positively excited that tomorrow is Saturday. I do have to run 6.5 miles in my half marathon training plan and I am nervous...wish me luck!

-tha angry teacher

sexual harassment in the workplace

This is what I am experiencing this week. Except that it is coming from 13 year and 14 year old boys which means...

a) this is disgusting, ack ack ack yuck yuck yuck
b) I am emotionally unstable right now. I mean, I cried this morning over this...and I don't cry often. I think the last time I cried...I seriously can't remember.
c) a person can be totally surprised at juveniles' behavior even after working with them for 1.5 years. It is still a shock to me. You would think by now I wouldn't even bat an eyelash.
d)I am considering wearing a head to toe cloak to school the rest of the year. Or go shopping at Goodwill and buy the ugliest dresses and pants I can find.


-thaangryteacher

tardy reasons.

my favorite might just be "hair"

Longest Week Ever

I'm not sure why exactly, I can't pinpoint a single thing that has turned this into the longest week, but it has been. Last week flew by like a hijacked speed boat. This week, a snail crawling slowly along a hot sidewalk with a crack in its shell.

(way to go on using similes and metaphors)

One of my worst students isn't even in my class; he's in alternative school for a month.
Yet, yet...I just can't get back into the routine of waking up at 5:45am every morning since the Christmas holiday. I don't wake up till 10am, which is two classes into the day...oh my poor poor first period class. They suffered this week.

I am excited for a THREE DAY WEEKEND! woot woot
and I'm excited to teach something I didn't teach last year, Lewis Carrol's Jabberwocky. It should be a great little activity to get my kids thinking about grammar-something I absolutely hate. Honestly, I teach Reading, not Grammar so I don't know all the parts of a sentence or the difference between complex/simple/confklad sentences and simple/complex/subjunctive/farteinds sentences....

So I can learn with the kids!!!!!!hahaha that makes me a horrible English teacher...but I promise other than grammar, I know my shit, I swear!


have a lovely weekend,

thaangryteacher

Anger is burning my chest right now.

I don’t want children. OMG. And why is it that women think I have gone temporarily insane and treat my like an invalid who doesn’t know what she is saying. Gibberish is suddenly pouring out of my mouth. “Oh you poor thing, you don’t know what you are saying! Of course you want children, of course you do! I can’t wait till you have babies…you will change your mind in a few years. And laugh at yourself, silly girl.”

Oh I am so fed up with people’s opinions being shoved on me. Yes, I agree, I might change my mind in ten years, but right now, I am 99% sure I do not want to have children exit my womb. I kinda don’t even see why normal women want babies…but nope, I won’t get into that now, I won’t stoop to the frustrating-and-infuriating-people-who-assume-I’m-the-crazy-one’s level.

There are multiple reasons I don’t want children, and my list grows weekly. Some are very personal that I won't devulge except to a handful of people in my life, and some are pure “selfishness” (for example, kids are fucking expensive and I want that money for me.)

So next time some innocent woman tells you that she doesn’t want children, please, please, please respect her decision and STAY THE HELL OUTTA IT. You don't know what's going on nor are you the decision making person for that woman's life.

Things I’ve Learned To Deal With

1.      Students, with 7 years of education under their belts, still don’t know the difference between “their”, “they’re” and, “there”. They also don’t know what “don’t” stands for.

2.      Constantly being outsmarted by 13 year olds. Yesterday I found out that 3 of my girls have been skipping my UIL class for the past two months. I felt about as smart as an earthworm knowing that children out maneuvered me for so long.

3.      Kids don’t do their homework. Never. Oh yeah, there are those 2 or 3 that have it everyday, but the majority “are too busy” watching TV and eating supper. Because eating dinner usually takes 5 hours.

4.      Laziness.

5.      Tardies. These used to not bother me at all, but this year I have a first period class and I have 4 students who are consistently tardy. It is annoying. They don’t usually disrupt anyone, it is the principle of the matter though.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a month. I have to post entries from work because my home internet is SO SLOW that it can't run blogger. How sad.

I had a great break, and guess what? I'm running a half marathon in May! So excited!

-thaangryteacher

Book List!

GIFT IDEAS!!!

The Hunger Games Trilogy- I read these last year and didn't like them as much as these past couple weeks when I've re-read them. Very good! Lots of action, love, rebellion against the man, and drama!

Travels with Charley- John Steinbeck. My favorite book of all time perhaps. I love Steinbeck's fiction works, but something about this book, non-fiction, really captured my attention and makes me want to roadtrip!

The Book Thief-Markus Zusak I read this book randomly because my friend had it with her on a trip to NOLA. It was the only book in the car, so I started reading and couldn't stop. It's set during the Holocaust in Germany and rather sad, but I love how the narrator is Death.

For teen girls:
Matched - Ally Condie. Sort of similar to The Giver in that there is a society in the future that controls everything the people do, including marriage. Girls will love the romance in this book. There really isn't much else, it's a pretty fluff book.

Any book by Sarah Dessen. I feel in love with her writing back in junior high, and now, my junior high girls check her books out more than other things I have on my shelf.

for boys:
Stormbreaker/Alex Rider chronicles: I've only read the first one, but it was great! There was lots of action and a great plot to follow along. I have plenty of girls in my classes that love this series as well.


that's all!

-thanagryteacher

ps: I apologized to the girl. She is so quiet that I can't tell if she forgave me or not. I swear I've only heard her talk once. maybe. (except not during the debate)

where've you been?

I've been busy..ish
Mostly I haven't blogged in 15 days because the internet at my house is so slow that it won't upload the blogger site! So I have to blog from other places, like work...;)

Lately I've turned into a mean teacher. Like, making-kids-cry-mean-teacher. The first time it happened, about 2 weeks ago, omg that sounds so awful to say "first" time and it is, it was unintentional, and the boy took a flippant comment from me and turned it around to where I was insulting his family. It didn't help that he is having family problems. I apologized to the best that I could knowing that I had done wrong but not intentionally.

But yesterday, oh yesterday, I snapped at a girl for talking during a debate. The reason I was so mean to her was because during her debate, she barely said anything because she is extremely shy.

This was the comment I made to her: "Look Sally, you can't talk because you didn't talk during your turn, so you definitely don't get to talk now!"
Imagine that half-yelled in your face....it was bad. Technically she didn't cry, but omg I felt(and rightly so) like a complete bitch for saying that to her. I mean, I am a shy person myself!!In front of a class, I can talk all day, but around a group of peers, I barely make a peep.

So today I am going to beg her forgiveness and I pray pray pray she doesn't hate me all year.

No justification at all.

Right after that happened, I was walking to the restroom when a lovely group of 7 or 8 boys saw me and when I walked back down my hall (so my ass was towards them), they whistled. OH BOY. I was pissed. Seriously?Seriously? 13 year old children whistling at a grown woman?
I wasn't going to say anything until they whistled about 5 times (and the hall is looong, so I was a good 50 yards from them) and I turned around and marched all the way down that hall (I even heard a panicked whisper, "oh she's turning around!") and gave those fools a piece of my mind about treating ladies correctly and harassment. oh, sometimes, it's OK to be mean. Like then, well, they needed to be yelled at. That was stress relief!

tomorrow, book suggestions

-thaangryteacher

doughnuts

I watch my "figure". I workout 6 days a week (and no this isn't a large number, think about how much we sit down a day and I only get <6 hours  a week in? maybe you should workout 6 days a week)

But nothing beats a fresh warm glazed doughnut sitting helplessly in the teacher's lounge. Glazed all the way baby. And a cup of (decaf) coffee....my life is complete. When I lived abroad, I couldn't help but dream of doughnuts [and pancakes] and large coffees.

(source)


-thaangryteacher

something totally different

I have definitely been an angry teacher this week. My 4th day of no caffeine. I don't know why I decided to give it up, the choice was completely random.

OH my poor poor babies. They have suffered my wrath. But then, they have been total sh**heads this week too. I chewed them out yesterday, saying how lazy, disrespectful, rude, and uncooperative they all are.

about my break:
I did have an amazing thanksgiving despite my initial concerns. Usually family get togethers are strained and tense. But I got to see my beautiful nephew for the first time, and see my brother and his wife since a year +.  and I also hung out for 4 hours with my best friends in the entire world and I already miss their faces.


back to teaching:
It is so hard being a "nice" teacher without losing respect. Some of my classes really click with me and we get along fine, even on bad days. But a couple of my classes, well, really just 4th period takes a lot of my energy out of me. Plus the whole Re-do thing really got to me today. I felt like I was back at waitressing in college where you have 1000000 million things going on at once. I was a bit frazzled to say the least.

something totally different:
I am re-reading Eat, Pray, Love for the second time, and I love it just as much as the first time I read it. She inspired me to take up meditation again. I used to meditate a lot more, nowadays, I rarely do even though I have the time. So I set my alarm clock 15 minutes earlier today, woke up and wrapped up in my blanket on my bed and meditated for 15 minutes. It was a little hard because I'm out of practice, but refreshing. I highly suggest you learn some meditation techniques if you don't know any. An "easy" mantra is "Ham, So" or "so, hum" the ham is your in breath, the so is your out breath. it means I am that, that I am

simple and encompassing at the same time.


that's all!

and I have another dinner date with the girls this week! I'm baking something, I just don't know what yet. I bought pumpkin, chocolate chips and molasses. I know that with that combo, I can make anything delicious. I'm excited!

-tha angry teacher (for real)

"Redo" Explained...basics

I guess I could finally explain our Redo Policy at the school.

Basically, all students have to achieve an 80 or above on ALL assignments except final exams and Benchmarks given by the state. If a student is in Advanced classes, like mine, they must get a 90 or above on their work.

For example, Johnny does a quiz and gets a grade of 56, then he will go to “Lunch Bunch” the next day. During Lunch Bunch, Johnny will re-attempt the quiz. At the end of the day, the paper is given back to the teacher to grade and hopefully Johnny made at least an 80. But he didn’t. So he goes again to Lunch Bunch the next day again. This time he makes a 94.

Now, if Johnny’s second day in Lunch Bunch wasn’t successful, he would have to go to Encore. Encore is basically academic ISS. The kid is pulled from all regular classes that day until he/she can finish the assignment with an 80+ grade.

The 94 is the grade that goes in the gradebook. But if Johnny were an overachiever, he could redo all his assignments and tests until he got 100s on everything.

In theory, it is a perfect idea. In practice, it takes months to figure out the kinks. This is our second year of Redo at the school and compared to last year, it is so much better. Last year’s Redo sucked. Kids never went to Lunch Bunch and the ladies who ran LB didn’t know who was supposed to show up and who wasn’t.

This year we started a List on Google Docs that the teachers update everyday or every hour if necessary. So all the teachers in the school know if any student is missing work.

We don’t let kids get away with “forgetting” their homework and receiving a zero: the easy way out. We don’t take off 10 points for no heading. We don’t give extra credit for bringing 10 cans for the food drive. We don’t have free 100s for taking Mom or Dad to Parent Nite.

The kids HAVE to earn their grades here.

Of course there are many kinks in the system still. When I need kids pulled for Encore, it usually doesn’t happen soon, and the students that are going through Redo for the second time around (they were 7^th graders last year, so all 8^th graders this year) are seeing that this is the way to really get under teachers and admins’ skins. Don’t work.

One of my Trio has even been kicked out of Lunch Bunch because he refuses to work.  

That’s it in a gist. It is super time consuming for us teachers, a lot of paperwork, and usually a headache trying to organize redos, but worth it for the kids. Their grades are better, they are forced to understand the material covered in classes, and the program won us a national award this past spring.

TGIF…..payday and a week holiday next week! Everyone have a GREAT Holiday!

-thaangryteacher

IF.silent

a quick sketch of mi perro silently watching for squirrels.

friends in the country

It’s surprising what an hour or two in friendly company can do for a person. Last weekend I went dancing with my coworker, and last night I had dinner with two teachers from the high school down the road.

Living out in the middle of nowhere is bittersweet. I love the sunsets, the open sky, and the orange, red, fusia painted autumn trees. Life here is tranquil and slow. There isn’t too much rushing, no traffic to speak of, and the cost of living is super cheap.

But I do miss the ability to window shop at the mall, not plan trips to “the city” for organic/vegetarian groceries or for a single pair of work pants. And honestly, the tranquility of the country life gets boring quickly. There’s a Wal-Mart, a Hastings, and a small movie theater. Not much else for 30 miles.

and yeah, last night I might have ran over a possum. no big deal right?

That said, I haven’t made many friends here because 1. I’m quiet 2. Small towns are extremely cliquish 3. There’s rarely an opportunity to meet people here.

So these past few days are a blessing for me to actually interact with different people from different backgrounds yet whom share similar outlooks on life as me. Although I might have scared them off by saying the F-word while telling a story. Hey, it was something one of my professors back in college yelled at me and I was only repeating it for truth’s sake…I don’t cuss…that’s a naughty thing bad people do!

All in all, I’m really at peace today.

I hope you are having a peaceful day as well,

-tha angry teacher

PS: If you ever get the opportunity to go to a Mexican Club and dance Tribal or Cumbia, DO IT! So. Much. Fun!

I've got a problem...three actually

I haven’t written in a week + because well, I don’t know, but I’m going to make up for it by posting every day this week! What-what??

 Like most teachers, I have a few problem children. And like most teachers, they are in the same class period together. That makes for a long 55 minutes.

But, compared to last year, I still consider myself blessed with my students. Even those three boys have something I like about them, even if I dislike most of their antics. I have the feeling that outside of the classroom, they wouldn’t be completely awful teenagers to be around.

The main problem is that none of the Trio like to work. They sit, they talk, they eat candy, they stare at the ceiling, they giggle across the room at each other, they do ANYTHING they can to not work in class. I’m not offended because I know this happens in other teacher’s rooms as well with them. The members of the Trio are prone to ISS(in school suspension), going to the principal’s office, or being yelled at by teachers.

It’s actually sort of amusing to see how thirteen year old boys can get under grown women and mens’ skins. Sorta. Like when it’s not my classroom that they are being brats in.

I didn’t mention, but these boys aren’t really even friends. They don’t hang out together or seem to be anything other than acquaintances outside the classroom. But man, when you get them together in a 40 sq foot area, hell breaks loose.

I’m more worried about them than I am angry. I’m frustrated that they just don’t give a shit about anything. When I pulled Troublemaker # 1 into the hall yesterday to ask him why he wasn’t working, the only response I received was: “Meh” “grunt” *shoulder shrug* *lip smack* 

What is going to happen to these boys if they can’t find life interesting or open up with what they are struggling with? I’m super concerned about them, and it feels like there’s nothing I can do.

-tha angry teacher

Illustration Friday.Scary

I drew/sketched this a couple years ago when I had taken out the trash to the alley dumpster, it was dark, the sky was threatening rain, and in a sudden burst of lightning, this ferocious black dog was lit up, it's mouth wide open and growling at me.

I high-tailed it back to my yard and slammed the gate shut. I remember being absolutely scared at what had just happened.



Anger Isn't Productive

Yesterday I had a rough day.

I was placed in the shoes of my students by some overbearing coworkers.

This is how the situation went down…

We have a thing called Re-Do at our school. I will have to do a whole separate post or two on that topic…well I’m innocently eating my lunch- homemade chili-and the Redo aid (she’s not even a teacher) storms into the lounge with her hands thrown up(seriously) and asks pretty rudely, “So are you going to send any work [for your students]??”

I guilty jump out of my chair and mutter an apologetic “Oh, yes!” and rush to my classroom to retrieve the work for my students.

I say a prayer ‘cause I am pretty pissed at this lady for being such a bitch to me…unfortunately, the prayer didn’t change my heart like it should have and I walked into the Library, shoot the woman a death glance, and hand the papers out to my kids. I did apologize to the other woman who runs the Redo, but when I walked out of the Library, Bitch walked past me and I completely ignored her.

I felt exactly, exactly like a small child who was chastised by mommy and was now sulking and giving mommy an attitude.

So wrong.

Second incident (same day, two hours later): The counselor calls me up asking for some scantrons that I sent down LAST THURSDAY because I wanted them in on time, actually a little bit early.

“Ms. Angryteacher, you are our holdout, you are the only one we haven’t received the scantrons from.”

I replied with the aforementioned statement but added, “I did send them down to your box with a trustworthy student.”

She paused, “Maybe the kid thought the other counselor’s box, let me go check.” Five minutes later lo and behold, that’s exactly what my “trustworthy” students had done.

Counselor’s parting words over the telephone, a frazzled and admonishing, “Don’t ever send a child down with completed scantrons!!” Click.

Again! I’m getting in trouble again!! Ahh, I felt like a naughty child being yelled at by their teacher! I almost cried (okay, maybe I’m PMS too..)

Later when I saw her, I was abrupt and had a bad attitude. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on the receiving side of a lecture; I’m usually the one giving lectures nowdays.

Lesson learned: Yeah, we are human, and we are going to be frustrated with other people, especially kids who are rude, stupid, stubborn, troublemakers, tardy, etc. but yelling or even worse, being condescending doesn’t help. Our natural reaction is to become defensive and pissed off.

And you never know when a kid just got in trouble in  another teacher’s class. What happens when you also get on to them about something, even if it’s very important? Most likely, the kid will be angrier than normal and resent you for days/weeks/ months to come.

What your mouths is all I’m trying to say.

-thaangryteacher

Beer Bread (Three Recipes!)

I love baking, and I'm not sure many people understand, but to me, baking is my act of love. It's equivalent to me saying "I love you" or "I really want to be liked by you (no , not "like like" -I'm a six year old little girl on the inside haha) or "please be my friend"

So it truly hurts like a slap in the face when I bake something and it goes unnoticed or the cookies/muffins/loaf of bread is stowed away in a small corner of the table to be forgotten.

Please, please remember us bakers/cooks when you next go to someone's party and a person made something yummy from scratch, that we are giving our souls to those around us. Please take the piece of pie even if you're on a diet or you are allergic to wheat or vanilla frosting. Secretly dispose of the food in the trash when the baker/cook isn't looking.

I'm serious. Just take the cake politely and tell them how f-ing delicious it is.

Here's a recipe that is sooooooo easy. So easy. If you want just the basics, it is only 5 ingredients.



BEER BREAD!

Beer... in bread? WTF? Honestly, it doesn't taste like beer, but there is a certain yeasty/hoppy flavor. And while I used a very light beer (Lone Star Light), you can experiment with any beer. No, please dont' start to ask me about flavors cause I while I love beer, I have no knowledge of hops, malts, yeasts, grains, yada yada. I usually just use what is in my fridge.


I will include three versions, Cheesy Beer Bread, Sweet Beer Bread, and Basic Beer Bread. The options/add ins are infinite; it is up to you.

First:


The Basic Recipe (with no fuss)

All these recipes are for 1 8" loaf, though I often cut the amounts in half and end up with a smaller 8" loaf that isn't very tall but just as tasty.

3 cups AP flour
1 TBL baking powder
1 TBL sweetener (honey, sugar, brown sugar, agave)
1 tsp salt
12 ounces beer, preferably NOT flat

Mix dry ingredients first, then add beer. Stir, but don't over stir, and plop into a greased 8" loaf pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 45-60 minutes. Maybe 5-10 minutes more if it is not done when you stick a knife/toothpick in and it comes out still gooey.

Optional : At about 30 minutes, brush the top of the loaf with an egg wash to make it nice and pretty.

Second: The Sweet Beer Bread

3 cups AP flour
1 TBL baking powder
1/3 cup sweetener (honey, sugar, brown sugar, agave), I usually use brown suga' so I can sing with the Rolling Stones while I bake.
1 tsp salt
12 ounces beer, preferably NOT flat

Mix dry ingredients first, then add beer. Stir, but don't over stir, and plop into a greased 8" loaf pan.

Before you place in oven, top the dough with 1-2 TBL spoons of sugar. Bake at 375 degrees for 45-60 minutes, or until tester comes out clean of raw/gooey dough.
Cool on counter.

Finally, the recipe I made last night so I have photos!

The Cheesy Beer Bread

3 cups AP flour
1 TBL baking powder
1 TBL sweetener (honey, sugar, brown sugar, agave)
1 tsp salt
1/2 TBL dried herbs or 2 TBL FRESH chopped herbs. I used dill.
1 cup grated cheese- I used cheddar so the bread will have a bite
12 ounces beer, preferably NOT flat

los ingredientos

Mix the dry ingredients, including cheese, which I didn't show.

Pour in la cerveza!!!

Mix everything, But DON'T over mix!! You don't want tough bread! I was hesitant to add this photo cause it looks like vomit. OH well.

Plop into greased 8" pan.

45 minutes, at 375 degrees (It was still raw in the middle at 45 minutes so I timed it for another 15 minutes. It actually could have gone probably yet another 10 minutes or so after that...When I cut it, it was kinda gummy, but in a good way.)

yum. Now you have to let it cool...which I didn't and I savored every single bite.

And my second favorite part about Lonestar-the first being I like the taste-is this:

The puzzles on the caps! (alien hands, sorry mis manos were wet)

I hope you make this because like I said, in the basic form, it is only FIVE INGREDIENTS for BREAD!! how cool and delicious!

-tha angry teacher