How to Conduct a Proper Parent Conference

No, this is not a parent conference based on my lack of proper dress last week…

It’s just that I have a student, let’s call her Tasha, that has an attitude problem and a laziness problem. She is one of my Pre-AP students, and well, laziness is not an option in advanced English.

I’ve outlined the steps to a great/successful parent-teacher conference below.

1.      Make sure you have documentation of some sort about the child’s behavior/grades/attitude in class. This could be positive or negative remarks, copies of their work, and a printed out grade book.

2.      Call parents, duh.

3.      Politely inform them of their child’s strengths, then go on to rant about how awful and disrespectful the brat is and question the mom/dad’s parenting skills. Okay, DON’T do that. Instead, use a very concerned voice, describe in detail the problem, calmly, politely, and with as less of a condescending tone as possible. This is the critical time when you can either make an enemy of the parent or a comrade.

4.      Schedule a time that works for both you and the parent, and the student. You are going to want to bring the child in so that you can have a face to face chat with all parties.

5.      During the conference, sit at a student’s desk instead of behind your big imposing scary teacher desk. Make parents comfortable and try not to be rude or angry. Hopefully, THEY won’t be angry/rude either.

6.      Your discussion with the parents should basically repeat what you said on the phone to start with. Also, please remember that some parents don’t have all their brain cells, therefore cut them some slack, like when they say things such as, “Well, I try to make him do homework, but he just goes on home and firs’ thing his on tha xbox playin fer 2 'ours”

Obviously the lovely parents are part of the problem.

Also, you have to mention something positive about the kid, no matter what. Lie through your teeth if you must. In Tasha's case, she is actually a very intelligent girl, and I told her parents that straight up. 

7.   This is a must, you MUST have a conversation about how the student will improve, otherwise what’s the freaking point of the conference? Make sure you document what the parents said and what the solution to the problem was.

8.      Say bye, and hope that possibly, the kid gets a spanking when they get home, not an extra hour on the X-Box. 

Tasha’s conference turned out really well, I had two other teachers in the room with me, Tasha’s mom, mom’s boyfriend, and Tasha herself. The parents were super supportive and told me that her attitude would be very different than what it is now. So far, since Monday, it has been.

I also heard today that Tasha’s behind was sore on Tuesday because she got a spanking. Ha, I laughed when I heard that. I sound mean don’t I?

I am the angry teacher after all.